Hymn Exegesis: I Asked the Lord that I Might Grow
John Newton is most famous for his hymn Amazing Grace. And there is no doubt Amazing Grace is famous for good reason. You’ve likely heard the story of how Newton was the captain of a slave ship before his conversion and so his song extolling God’s amazing grace is particularly poignant.
But in my opinion, this song is by far Newton’s better work. Oh, I’m amazed at God’s grace at work in my heart. But it is the daily struggle with sin in my own heart that occupies the greater part in my thoughts. And this hymn is not so much about the grace that brought me to Christ initially, but about the amazing grace that daily works in my heart to conform me to the image of Christ.
Newton was close friends and the pastor of William Cowper who wrote There is a Fountain Filled with Blood. Together they would write Olney Hymns and collaborate on hundreds of great hymns, few of which remain in use today — to our loss! But as Newton and Cowper began to work on Olney Hymns, Cowper suffered one of his many dark spells of depression. The delay and hardship Newton was going through made him wonder if God was actively working against him. Out of that pain, yet a heart filled with faith was born what I consider to be one of the greatest hymns ever written.
1. I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and ev’ry grace,
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek more earnestly His face.
This is a perfectly reasonable and righteous prayer. One we should spend much time on asking for. The Bible has many examples of prayers that God’s people would grow in grace and in the knowledge of Christ. I want to know more of this great salvation — of this Amazing Grace! — I want to seek God in prayer more earnestly.
2. ’Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer,
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair.
It was God himself who taught me to pray this way. But here we get the first hint that this prayer comes in a dark time in the author’s life. God has answered my prayer, but as so often happens, he does not answer my prayer in the way I might wish or the way I had envisioned. Indeed, God crushed me. He almost drove me to despair. I looked at the sinfulness of my heart and rather than growth, it seemed that I was more sinful than ever! Knew less of God than ever! I often wondered if I was even saved.
3. I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He’d answer my request
And, by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins and give me rest.
Here is what I envisioned when I asked God for faith and love and every grace. I thought maybe God would zap me with a bolt of sanctification! That all in a single hour, God would conquer every sin in my heart, and I would have rest from the constant battle!
4. Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in ev’ry part.5. Yea, more with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe,
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Humbled my heart and laid me low.
But no! Far from striking me with instant sanctification, God seemed to drive me to see more and more of my own sin. Temptations seemed to multiply, I seemed weaker than ever to resist sin. I fell, over and over. This is what almost drove me to despair. But as if this wasn’t bad enough, it seemed as though God himself was working against me. Every attempt I made to avoid sin failed miserably as though God thwarted me.
6. “Lord, why is this,” I trembling cried;
“Wilt Thou pursue Thy worm to death?”
“’Tis in this way,” the Lord replied,
“I answer prayer for grace and faith.”7. “These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”
I trembled. In fear, in weakness, in confusion and hurt. Why, God, Why?! Do you intend to kill me? Maybe I’m not your child as I thought. Maybe you have determined to destroy me and so you act this way.
But no, God’s word reassures on this point. This is how God answers such prayers. He is determined, not to crush me, but to destroy my reliance on myself, to crush my pride. He will break, not me, but all my leaning on the things of earth, all seeking my joy in anything but God himself. For this is the great answer to prayer, that I would love and cherish nothing but God himself.
Yes, Lord. Even so, Amen.
(1896) I Asked the Lord that I Might Grow • T4G Live II [Official Lyric Video] — YouTube
